Questions I'd like to ask Bruce Buffer

Do you tell your kids IT'S TIME to brush your teeth and go to bed?
Does your wife hate it that you know how much everyone weighs? Because, you know, chicks hate it when you know how much they weigh.
Did you and your brother have Mr. Microphone wars when you were little?

Questions I'd like to ask Steve Mazzagatti

Were you secretly hoping Frank Mir was going to snap Brock Lesnar's leg and that's why you ignored his completely obvious tap? And then when he tapped a second time you couldn't pretend like you didn't see it again and begrudgingly stopped the fight?
After you order food in a restaurant do you yell at the waitress "Now bring it on! C'mon!"

Questions I'd like to ask Dana White

Do you call your kids bro? When you kiss them goodnight do you tell them to sleep fuckin' tight? Do you ask them if they wanna be a fuckin' fighter?
Do you think Greg Jackson really murdered UFC 151? Do you think he could cop to a lesser plea of man slaughtering the event?
Is the only regret you have the video blog where you berated what's her face? Nothing else?

Why does Don Frye hate Dan Henderson?

In an interview with  Spencer Lazara of MMAinterviews TV, Frye was asked if he cheers for fighters like Henderson, a fellow UFC and Pride legend.

"No, I think Dan Henderson is an asshole," Frye said. "I went on a UFO tour with him over to Afghanistan back in '07, and I found he could be a complete asshole."

I can only imagine what happened on this UFO tour.
*Image blurs indicating a flashback to the actual events.

Scene: Afghanistan, interior tent, 2007.
Don Frye is lying on a cot. Dan Henderson occupies the adjacent cot.
Scene begins as Frye awakens, sits up in his cot and stretches.
Frye: Good morning, sunshine!
Hendo grunts and rolls over, pulling the pillow over his head.
Frye: Wakey! Wakey! Eggs and bakey sleepy head!
Hendo's hand emerges from his blanket, flipping Frye the bird.
Frye: C'mon Dan. The tour leaves in 30 minutes.
Hendo sits up: There's no UFO's you idiot. We're here to support our troops!
Frye: Now, Dan. We both know that's not true. Now get your little singlet out of bed and join me for some yogurt and granola. It's going to be a superific day!
Hendo lies back down: Fuck you, Don.

Dana White only regrets one thing...

Dana White speaking about the only regret he has thus far in his career:
"You guys have to understand this, but this is the way I am. I have no regrets. The only thing that I regret is in that video blog when I used the F word. That's the only thing throughout the 12 years of running the UFC. The way I came off in that thing, people still think I'm some kind of homophobe, and I'm not. That still bothers me."

Curiously, others have come out of the woodwork to voice their one career regrets.


Dennis Hallman: "Should have went with pink. What was I thinking?"


Paul Daley: "I should have thrown an uppercut."


Jeremy Stephens: "Checking in under a fake name would have been advisable."

Other things Stephan Bonnar is going to give Anderson Silva...besides hell

-A vicious tongue lashing
-Directions to Denny's
-The fiercest stare down he's ever seen
-A handful of skittles

Mayhem Miller insane?

We all knew Jason "Mayhem" Miller was not playing with a full deck. That the porch light was on but no one was home. That he had a few screws loose. That he...you get the idea. But we didn't really know how insane until now.
I think Ariel Helwani described it best when he said it was "a little sad". Not to mention disturbing. But as I was watching the video of Miller's appearance on the MMA Hour, I felt an array of emotions. Embarrassment, despair. But most of all the entire interview was very awkward and uncomfortable for anyone to watch.
Luckily Miller is owning up to it.

Cub Swanson clarifies his "10 out of 10" statement.

It appears we were all mistaken for thinking Cub Swanson was insane for saying he'd beat Jose Aldo "ten out of ten times" if they ever fought again.We weren't mistaken for thinking it. It was clearly a statement only a lunatic would make.
Cub went on Sherdog Radio Network's “Beatdown” program and cleared things up for us.
“We were going back and forth about different past opponents, and that was a mental error on my side,” Swanson said of his previous “Beatdown” appearance. “I was talking about Jens Pulver, and I thought you guys had asked me about a rematch with him. That's why I said that was a long time ago and that I had put it past me."
Thanks for clearing that up Cub. Now if we could only get Al Gore to tell us which Internet he was really talking about.

This week's Twitter battle

No it's not Jon Jones v. Chael Sonnen. Or Dana White v. Whichever fighter he's pissed at this week. It's actually BJ Penn v. Rory MacDonald.
MacDonald on his weight: "200lbs and (Penn) thinks I care if hes in shape for the fight or not,"
Penn responded with, "Great!!! I (freaking) love knocking out 200 pounders."
MacDonald: "(Penn) do u (mean) knockin back quarter pounders? Who r u kidding, certainly not yourself."
Penn: "Quarter pounders?? Really pimple boy? I won't even (rear-naked choke) you...afraid of all the pimples on your back."

The one good thing about these Twitter spats is that these guys will actually meet and fight. Unlike almost every other Internet tough-guy squabble I've ever seen. Can't wait for this one.

Regional champions in the UFC?

The UFC is apparently kicking around the idea of "regional" champions as they begin penetrating more and more markets. I get what they're trying to do. Create more interest. Add more events per year. Hype up cards with more title fights. Introduce new fighters to the world. I can see both sides.
On the one hand, this strategy will garner interest within each country or region as a local fighter almost always brings out the masses. I also think that exploiting fight fan's patriotism is a much overlooked way to promote fights. (As evidence I give you the USA chant at every UFC event I've ever seen on U.S. soil.)
I also see the flip-side of this coin. Potentially watered down fight cards. Oversaturation of the market. Possibly confusion with WWE. (I give you the Intercontinental Champion which I still never completely understood.)
Again, I can see where the UFC is going. But if not handled properly the UFC brand could suffer. Quality over quantity.

-JJ
www.jjritonya.com

I'm coming out of the closet

Not that closet perverts. I'm coming out of the "My family has super-powers closet." I'm serious. My wife can eavesdrop on a conversation 3 tables away in a busy restaurant and know what the couple is arguing about. My oldest daughter can make any human, (usually me) wait in the car for 5-10 minutes every time we get ready to go someplace. My youngest daughter can fart at will. *Wipes tear from eye with pride. Even our dog has powers. She can piss on the carpet every single day. It's quite amazing.
What's you're superpower JJ?
I'm glad you asked. I have the uncanny ability to "read between the lines". What that means is I can tell what other people mean when they say something. For instance, when someone asks "How are you doing?". Most people hear "I'm doing fine."
Here's what I hear:
"How are you doing?"
"What do you care? I can totally tell by the look on your face you're only asking because you want something from me. Right? RIGHT?!"
It's a gift. But the reason I'm telling this story is because unlike my dog,  I've decided to use my powers for good.
Which brings us to the first ever edition of Reading Between the Lines!

Ben Askren, when asked about his fighting style and perceived lack of putting on exciting fights:
“I feel that I’ve improved in every fight but I’m going to stick to my base and that’s wrestling."
What Ben means is: "If  I can win by holding a guy down and occasionally patting his face with my glove or elbow, why would I stand and get punched in the face?"
Good point Ben.

Chris Weidman when asked what he thought of the Silva v. Bonnar fight:
"I was a little shocked and confused and a little disappointed."
What Chris was actually saying: "Are you fucking kidding me?"
I know Chris. I know.

And finally, Stephan Bonnar when asked for his thoughts on his upcoming fight with Anderson Silva: "I thought it was a joke (when I heard I was fighting Silva)."
Translated: "OMG! I'm gonna get my ass kicked!"

What the hell is Michael Bisping's problem?

Has anyone else noticed Michael Bisping's act lately? He pretty much has been ragging on any fighter not named Michael Bisping. I'd love to see Bisping fight Stann, Belcher and Wiedman ALL ON THE SAME NIGHT! He then called out Mark Munoz for being fat at least three times in one interview. And most recently telling Joseph Benavidez that his 11-year-old could whip his ass. I know that you don't necessarily get into the fight game to make friends. But does anyone really need more enemies? Apparently Bisping thinks so as he's doing everything he can to piss off his peers.

Silva v. Bonnar...really?

No disrespect to Bonnar, but I can't believe the UFC is touting this fight as a main event. The odds alone tell you that this fight should never happen. Silva is a 13.5 to 1 favorite? You have to be kidding me. This fight is akin to me versus my fifteen pound Beagle. Come on UFC. You can't seriously tell me this was the best fight you could come up with? I understand that injuries have plagued the main events of recent cards. But this is ridiculous. UFC 151 had to be cancelled because there wasn't enough star power on the card? And this card is somehow better? I’m not buying it. No really. I’m literally not paying to watch this card. And I’m guessing most fight fans agree.